Doctor! Doctor!

A doctor I would trust, even with his penchant for laughing at inoppurtune times

Last night my friends and I went to the University of Miami Grad School Mixer (put together in part by my roommate and Donald Wine of Word Life fame) at Opium Garden on South Beach. I was bit skeptical about the whole thing for a few reasons:

1. The start time was 10:30.
2. Open bar from 10:30 to 11:30.
3. Counting all the RSVPs and passes handed out the club was going to exceed capacity.
4. Mixers usually don't accomplish their intended goal.

Let me recap the night: I was at The Editor's when my roommate sent me a text saying that we were leaving at 9:30. This wasn't a big deal because I was heading over back to my house to eat dinner and get ready. Plus, my roommate was driving, which is as rare as spotting an Indian girl at a gym. Anyway, when I got home I asked why we were leaving so early and I found out that between the med school, law school, and b-school, the organizers were expecting 1200 people. Opium holds 850 - max. Basically, if we didn't get there before 10:30, we weren't getting in, period.

We ended up getting in line at about 10:15. There was another problem though. It was three guys and one girl in our group. South Beach bouncers are notorious for having God complexes. Some of these guys act like they are protecting the President rather than an open bar serving shitty well liquour. I was worried that they weren't going to let us in without the proper ratio, even though we all had passes.

I have to give credit to Amit though. By 10:30 there were about 200 people already waiting to get in (open bar + broke grad students = chaos). I also figured that the bouncers would wait until we were ready to riot before letting anyone in, so that the club wouldn't have to give away too much free liquor. They started letting people in at 10:35.

Donald, The Editor, and I got in fine, but somehow Amit got held up. I beelined to the bar to get as many drinks as I could hold. When Amit finally got in, he got me another drink, so I was double fisting. Unfortunately, the alcohol was terrible. The Editor couldn't finish her Vodka Tonic cause it tasted like rubbing alcohol. I had to slog to get through 2 of them. I returned to the bar to get a couple of rum and cokes, about 15 minutes after I had gotten my first round. This time it took me about 10 minutes to get my drinks because of the number of people surrouding the bar. Of course, the bartender was a bitch. She wouldn't serve people unless they were flashing cash for her tips. I wanted to lean over and tell her to do her job, but that would have been the end of the night for me. I got the drinks, got out, and that was the end of the open bar for me.

Like I said, open bars are funny. I am convinced that people will drink liqour that tastes like urine, if it is free. People were ordering 5 drinks at a time and how can you blame them? It was impossible to get drinks, especially when there were only 3 people working the bar for about 800 people. Yet, after the open bar finished at 11:30, there were 5 people working the bar...go figure?

Other thoughts from last night:

1. People don't know how to order drinks. Memo to those people: order your drinks, pay the bartender, and get the hell outta the way. Its cool if you are trying to pick someone up, but don't stand there talking about how it sucks you have Friday class.

2. I hate how places set a minimum amount for opening a tab; at Opium, its $50. First, from what I know this is illegal. Second, these places are in business because people are paying $8 for a beer. It should be good enough that we pay cover to get in and pay stupid prices for drinks. What happened to catering to the customer?

3. Mixers don't accomplish intermingling. People are too concerned with getting their free drinks and no one mingles with people outside of their group. The lawyers hung out with the lawyers. The docs hung out with the docs. I didn't see any bschool people there. Plan one of these things at a club, its definitely not going to work.

4. Why aren't there more Indian girls in bschool? I was trying to find Amit an Indian girl to hook up with last night. Within 5 minutes of getting into Opium, I saw 3 from the med school.

5. I hate when clubs have live performances of muscial acts that aren't famous. I know its a way to get discovered but don't do it on my dime. Plus, taking time out to let these guys perform kills the atmosphere and everyone's buzz. Last night there was a fashion show with a couple of no talent rappers trying to pick up girls. They were horrible. And the models were fat and wearing clothes that were not at all flattering.

6. The congregation of med students was a bacchanalia. The Editor thinks that dealing with mortality on a daily basis induces an alcohol driven frenzy to procreate. I have been around med students for the last 4 years and I've never witnessed anything like this before. Some of my best friends just started residency and when they were in school, they partied pretty hard - but nothing like this. Some of the people there last night reminded me more of Dr. Nick than Dr. Hibbert. Even if I was bleeding profusely, I wouldn't let some of these people within 10 feet of me. I don't know if this is more of an indictment of Miami's med school or med students themselves.

Oh, I forgot one more thing. They are pretentious. A girl in med school walked by my friend Nick and said, "These law school fuckers are so arrogrant." Look, just cause you are going to cut someone open someday means nothing to me. Just make sure that after a night of drunken sex you don't screw up 'cause I know some people who will use your mistake to buy a new Porsche.